Events, story, To whomever

N i n e t e e n t h

..and the clock hits 12.

Tick tack tick tack

Just like any other night, I struggle to make myself sleep because I had a lot of things going on in my mind. But today was different, it was special, or it was supposed to be rather. I will be turning 19 soon, I mean, later. I’ve had this moment imagined a thousand times in different scenes and with different people in my head. I was maybe having a good time with some friends out of town as we get giddy and hyped about the turning event. Maybe I was with my happy family who never mind how late it gets when they are having a nice time, and we will count down like how we do on new years. But here instead, the lights are off and people are silent. With my phone lighting up in front of my face- I screenshot the exact time I was waiting for and murmur a silent- happy birthday, self.

What an exciting story to tell! 

I am always, always excited about birthdays, specifically mine. Because I know, that is when I get special attention and of course presents. I love being remembered. Also, I have all the reasons and excuses to be happy. 

Out of all those things said, the last part was the most applicable at this time. Forget everything I said before that line and I’d be happy to have that feeling in an instant. These past few days was rough. It is an old news but it never wears. I will always be an emotional wreck in the most uncertain times. Hence, makes me work hard to convince the people around me and my self that I am actually super freaking fine. I promise. I get super agitated and upset about the things I realized for myself (that is for another entry) and it is far from helping. I may be discretely hard and pessimistic at some times, I am trying my best to see things from the other side. I remember the pastor said that good things are seen after passing the dark side. There is always one, just believe.

Despite everything that has happened and whatever it is to happen, I can only give myself this message:

Dear self,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are 19 and you can reach twice that year (and more) if you will continue doing what you are doing and never stop growing everyday. Trust me when I say that you’ve always been your best when your heart is at peace. Please make it happen as often as you can. When you are frustrated, remember to breathe the stress out , calm your mind and take a break. Then pray. 

He makes the rages stop and wipes the tears of cry. 

You know it was never wrong to follow your heart. Because the decisions you can only come up in your head are rushed and spur of the moment. You experience it yourself, make it be your reminder.

You’ve been strong in the past year and you will always be. I am so proud how well you handle situations now, especially your emotions. I am proud that you’ve been always understanding even when it’s hard to be one. I wish that you will stand on your principles in life and never forget to be grateful at all times. I pray that your faith will grow more and gives you guidance as you take on the life. 

To the more mature you will become in the year to come, we cheer! 

The success is always within you, you’ll just have to carve harder and it will shine. 
Happy birthday, young lady. 

God bless you and He loves you. 

 ⁃ L S S

APRIL 25, 2017

Advertisements