Memories, story

N O V 1 6 . 2 0 1 7

Thursday.

I was decluttering my things when I saw this from one of my notepads. I tore it up to dab on a spilled water. I guess I used something else and save this one to read later on. Then when I did, I was pulled in my alternate universe, again.

The words and sentences were technically wrong but who cares. If you try to understand the underlying meaning, you will get her idea. But it’s different for me, because I was the writer of this one. This is me from a particular time, on a particular circumstance.

I remember vaguely in my head how I was literally half lying on a table doing an assignment, I got really tired of thinking and feeling not enough. I flip a page from where I was writing and scribble everything that’s been blocking my mind since I sat down to study.

This was just one of those days.

There were a lot of instances that I couldn’t count off but this was luckily journalized. This is me with my thoughts cluttered, was out of herself and feeling empty inside. This is me begging and utterly desperate.

This is the me that I hated most.

Although she feels lost, she always find her way to distract me and ruin just… everything.

xx

l e a n a

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Memories, story, To whomever

ORASAN PARA SA MGA PANAHONG HINDI MO NAPAGHANDAAN

Tunay ngang walang oras na pinipili ang tadhana

Kung sino pa ang mahalaga, siya ang unang kinukuha

Walang humpay na saya nang una kang nakita— mga mata mong nakangiti at balahibong napaka puti

Hindi ka lang si bantay sa bahay ngunit siya ring naging paboritong bunso ni nanay

Madalas nga namin siyang tinutukso kung sino ang mas mahal

Nakatingin ka lang na parang nakikinig sa usapan

Nakatitig, nakaliyad ang leeg na parang may gustong intindihin

Ang imaheng ganun ang tumatak at paborito kong alalahanin. 

Nakaka miss na umuwing may sasalubong na halik

Yung mga buntot mong napakalikot at walang tigil ang pitik

Nakaka miss kumain habang alam kong nasa ilalim ka ng la mesa

Naghihintay habang nakatingala na para bang gusto mo ring sumabay

Sa halos apat na taon na iyong itinagal 

Alam kong sapat ang ibinigay namin sa iyong pagmamahal

Pero alam ko rin na ang nararapat ay hindi lang sapat— sobra, labis, umaapaw ang dapat. 

Dalawang araw bago ka pumanaw, bakit tila wala kang sakit kung gumalaw?

Bakit hindi namin alam?

Na mayroon ka ng karamdaman

Masakit sa loob na sa dalawang araw kang nasasaktan

Nang ipanakikita mong hindi na kaya ang nararamdaman

At kahit ano pa ang gawing paraan

Huli na, hanggang doon nalang

Dahil kailangan mo nang magpaalam

Permanente nang nakaukit sa aking isipan, kung paano mo ako pinagmasdan

Yung huling pagkakataong ikaw ay makita pero hindi man lang sumagi sa aking isipan

Na huli na yun at wala na bukas. 

Sana lagi mong tatandaan,

Isa kang malaking parte ng aming buhay

Ikaw yung tipong walang kapantay

Pero siguro ganun talaga… may pangmatagalan pero walang pang habang buhay. 

K.O. — hindi ka namin makakalimutan. 

Ps. I wrote this as part of my Filipino subject course requirement. My mom loved it, but I refuse to share it online with my friends. Instead, decided to have it here, in my safe haven. 

Pps. I still miss you baby boy 🐶

L S S | July 12, 2017

Events, Memories, story, To whomever

Mata, atode. 

I miss you our not-so-little ball of sunshine. 

Happy birthday! It was supposed to be your fourth year with us and unfortunately you were not here anymore. You left us without so much heads up, it was unfair, I would say. I was at school that time stressing my self out for our turn in reporting for finals requirement. I didn’t expect to hear that you were gone before we had the chance to visit you, I am truly sorry, we are. 

Two days before you left I could just vaguely remember how lively you’ve been when you greeted me when I came back home, just like the old times. Then you were very sick the next day, I updated my siblings of your condition since they were at work and I was just off to uni. I am very busy from all the work school is demanding but I will forever remember how you’ve been my stress reliever and how happy I’ve always been coming home for your hugs and sloppy kisses(licks). After a long day, those were the last things I would always look unto but you’re gone. Imagine how everyday felt so unfamiliar without your presence. 

You know how emotional I always turned to be in simplest situation. I’ll just go up to you and you talk to me with your eyes, yours were my favorite. I am currently like this because it’s the first of June and I’m home alone when I suddenly smell a lighted candle. I remembered you and felt like I owe you a lot. 

I didn’t cry when you left. Maybe because of all the things that is going on in my head that time and it drained me already. It left me void and unable to feel anything (you know how it was) but it goes on like any other days. I miss you so much, you would have made me feel better by now if you were here. 

Maybe it’s true that we’re not ready for you. Four years with us but you deserve better than our insufficient shelter but you know that we care for you a lot. I always imagine you with us when we finally move out but you can’t wait any longer before it happened. But know that your departure is also one thing that we aren’t ready for. 

Now that I am remembering you, I can’t help the image to flash the last time I saw you. (I swear my phone is playing songs as I am writing this- np: photograph. Coincidence?) You were helpless and we didn’t know how much pain is taking toll on you that you can bear it no more. We thought that you’ll be fine when we(they- im at school) bring you to vet, and you did. We expect you to come home after 30 hours as the doctor instructed, but you didn’t make it. 

It’s sad and depressing. We all miss you and we are sorry. We took care of you but you deserve more than what we’ve given you. And now, we know, you’re at peace and we wish nothing but that. 

You did what you have to do, you made us all happy. You made all the people who met you, happy. 

We promise that we won’t get another dog until we’re ready. That time, you’ll come around, I know. See you by then. 

xx

– L s s

JUNE 1 2017 | 9 : 51 AM

Memories, story

Birthday Confession

I, leana (jokes on me- not my real name), 19- have finally made my feet step on the grounds of ENCHANTED KINGDOM for the very first time! (APRIL 26,2017)

Yes, i can’t tell you how much I loved theme parks but man, I am made for these places. That is one of the places I definitely belong to. I don’t know if it’s just the excitement but I never felt tired the whole time we spent there until we spotted the food park in the evening and my stomach has to grumble waiting to be noticed. 

Although we had a hard time getting to the location, we had a good time. I am able to try atleast 9 rides and experienced 4D for the first time. Honestly, the limited time we had was too short to tear me out completely, I wanted to ride them all extreme ones! I even want to ride the second time each of them to ease my initial shock and actually enjoy the ride and experience. 

Although I had great friends with me and we were there to celebrate my 19th birthday. I wished that they were hyped as me to get on every ride on every opportunity we got and not just to take aesthetic pictures when they are not as determined to take good pictures when it comes to others. Or maybe it was just me, maybe I killed their vibe because whenever we took pictures, I posed awkwardly and trying hard to smile to the camera. It was never my forte to model myself and look good on candid. NEVER. 

I hated it when my mouth shows too much gums whenever I laugh and my eyes were hidden because they were too small. I hated the shape of my face because no angle could deny how awful it looks and don’t forget my poise and gestures! My hands were flying everywhere, my feet is standing on toes or pointing or swaying on the side or crossing, I may stumble one of this days because of my clumsiness whenever I see the lens in front of me. 

Sometimes I felt like a hypocrite and being ungrateful makes me feel bad. I felt like they are holding me back and I hated them for making me feel that way. Although they don’t have to worry because the problem is all on me, because I can’t really handle my insecurities well, when I always say that it is fine to be who you really are. I can’t mingle with the fun people and jump from one place to another. I’d rather have the wind slapping me in the face when I am on the highest peak the extreme ride can get. They were just everything that I am not and sometimes it makes it hard to stay friends with everyone. 

I wish they didn’t joke how bad the place was because someone was actually afraid of heights and all they do on my favorite ride was hang onto me like I was the last chance they could grab to make them stay alive. Why they didn’t tell me that they can’t do the ferris wheel before we took off but announced that we should save the best for last? I am supposed to savor the last moment and enjoy the skyline, but I tried to understand and let my arms be the last handle she could cling onto for the whole ride. I tried filming and take pictures on one hand but it’s still depressing. I still tried to laugh and joke with them. I though it was fine, I guess not. 

I want to go back! I believe that I haven’t fulfilled the magic the theme park is supposedly saying. I have to go back there and I am absolutely going back. 
I just hope that when time comes, I’d be with the right people who enjoys the same thing as me. 

 – L S S
M A Y 1 , 2 0 1 7

Events, Memories, Uncategorized

Behind the year 2016

2016 didn’t fail me when it said, “it’s gonna be an eventful year”.

If anything, I failed it.

I was thankful for everything that happened throughout the year. It made me so much happier to see things differently, to experience awesomely great things.
Indeed, God was able.

From the beginning, I laid my heart out to Him, for the past year I’ve become miserable then decided to lean on His decision instead and this all happened.

I could now just barely feel the anxiety and pain I experience last year. Honestly, it’s coming back once in a while. I’m still in the process of healing and I think that the trauma would be there for much longer time but it will be okay.

I don’t know how much change it caused me but it makes me crave for one. I always want to be hungry for a change. That is for sure.

It was one of the things I learned from life, that change is the only permanent thing in this world. So, I would hold on to it because it would always be my last chance.

Acceptance was the hardest part of moving ahead but it was definitely a leap to take, it was that time when you realize that “I’m so done.” And I think that’s a progress.

Because once you overcome the fear of embracing the reality, that is when you will live it. And then, you will realize, that it is not that bad. You’ve learned to see every good things in smaller details and that will make you special. How you treat life is how it will treat you.

I would love to share every memorable experience I had this year and I’d love to have it here.

I had an adventure.

So, I’ve been to Nueva Ecija with some friends. It’s one for the books since it’s the first long distance trip (i think) I have gone with my self (technically)- I mean, with no relatives connected, ya know. Just the parent of my one friend who didn’t really mind our business but sure keeping an eye on us. It’s a 3-day get away, hey!! Loved every memories there. Also, I edited clips of me on the trip. It was no-pro type but I admire myself on my effort I put in there (lol)

Second time was mid April, it was with the same group of friends I was with on Nueva Ecija, but this time we got more than tripled! We ain’t complete but hey, t’was a bunch of craziness already. If we are, our favorite adviser wouldn’t able to handle us already. He was with us, that’s how cool he was. We’ve gone road tripping. It was the best one yet. Not perfect but enough. We spent the midnight on road and hit home on dawn. Although we spent the morning at our friends’ pad. We were hyped. That day was great!

I attended birthday parties.

For some reason, I appreciate being invited to birthday parties although I ain’t a hundred percent sure of coming, I always tried. It kind of brought me thinking that I am remembered (wow). These people sure meant to me too. If they weren’t I would not come any way. Thank you friends!

I had my OWN PARTY.

I turned 18.
Say what people?! Yup, I hosted a party. I had one. It kinds of freaks me now thinking that I really did. All thanks to people behind it, of course. I had so many break down before it though. I’ve been stressing on it so much, I didn’t realized how much it affect me mentally already. Nevertheless, it happened, I’m glad. There was a lot of arguments and push and pull of decisions so it ended up being abrupt and not a hundred percent prepared event.
^Honestly, there was this thing that I really sincerely wanted to feel but I can’t get myself to it. The genuine happiness. Everytime I think of the party, I wanted to feel how beautiful I was that time. How magical the moments are. There’s just none. But I never mention it to them. Not any chance.
I don’t know why. But maybe, it was because of the beforemath, I wasn’t completely feeling my self. I felt like, I was only pulling it out from them selfishly. Maybe, I felt drained from all the emotions I stressed my self to. My heart hurts just from thinking how ungrateful I felt despite being beyond blessed I a truly am. I wanted to be happy. But this is not about this. This is not the happiness my heart craves.

I had my first job.

It was one of my major goal this 2016 and promised my self to have one right after I turned 18. I was frustrated of my life the past months before then, I felt so useless and just unreal. I pursue on finding one, I am just lucky to have a friend to help me get this job. She was working there for her On the job training and the store needed more staff that time. So I grabbed the opportunity, honestly, blindly. It’s just sad, I’m almost unsure. Our other friend was there too, we both got hired but she left after a day. Without so much conviction, I continued. Days and days passed, I got used to it. I actually loved the placed and my chores. Until schedules got out of hand, salary isn’t fixed and I felt violated for all the policies that seem to be applied unfairly. Although, I loved the people there, I was aloof at first for they are not my age. They were all on mid 20’s and up. They helped me a lot, more than they knew. I trained there for almost 2 months. It wasn’t bad for my first time. I was a server/cashier, managing the cash bank was fun. It was my first dream job, oh, childhood. It was a good experience, tiring but worth it.

I came back to school.

After a year and half, I am back. It got a little complicated on my first two weeks since I was still working on the restau that time. I had a hard managing my time that it always left me exhausted, mentally and physically. My plans of being a strong part time student shattered right there. I could never survive. I chose school, my mother thought other wise. I think that she cannot and will never understand my situation that time, we had misunderstanding. I tried to helped my self as much as I could standing up, shitty happens, it almost impaired me. Everyday I was a walking wreck.
I put so much effort to divert all my attention to my studies. I should get over everything and let it all be. So, I did. I believe that in every push I give myself, I am still leaving some of me behind. You know the feeling when you cannot completely give your all despite of wanting desperately? I failed. And I am not saying those because I failed, because if I achieved what I promised myself, I will not be saying this. I don’t know. Honestly. Trust me. I promised to help my brother who sends me to school. I promised to have that scholarship that will spare me from paying school fees a hundred percent. I failed. I’ve been praying for it. I failed. It’s not enough. I was almost there. I thought it was on my grasp already. For the many times again this year, my heart shattered.

But they let me continue for the next semester and now, I am obviously on a holiday break from school. I am still trying to find the right track. I am still working everything out. I will never stop. At least, not now.

I had the most eventful year ever. I don’t want to be cynical but for some reason, I was made to become one. I even want this entry to be an uplifted and only contains goody stuffs but I can’t help pouring everything out. I shouldn’t be sorry though since I made this site for a reason. It just happens that I can’t control my emotions sometimes.

I had my ups and downs and downs.

Every things happens for a reason. Phrase that I kept reminding myself every time I fail to meet my expectation.

The next year, I want to make it more about personal. I felt like I’m lacking of it. I felt like I’m never personally stable. If I want everything to be smooth, I should start it with actually building myself.

The next year, should be something I should be looking forward to.

-LSS.
DEC.22.2016

Friends, Memories

NE’16

We got out of town for 2 days and 2 nights! Yay?

I was with some friends and we kinda just hiked a trip from my friend’s family get away. But she invited us and it just happened. An abrupt plan and clicked; we’re on our way.

It was no problem actually since she’s an only child and her parent’s cool with it. Her parents got along with us well, so we didn’t had a problem when it comes to company.

And the trip goes like this…

At 7 pm last February 27, we made our way out of Manila to Nueva Ecija. We stopped over at some time to San Fernando, Olonggapo for fast trip to powder room and dinner. Then we got to our first destination at 12 am already which is at Licab, Nueva Ecija. Right when we arrived, we hit the bed. Drives are life but ’twas exhausting.

Day 1 | 2.28.16

We woke up early and the province vibe was there, I’m loving the stay already. Just after a coffee we already started lurking around the area riding a trike and a single motor. We round the place for about an hour and my hair was nevertheless messy and tangled. Can I be a princess already? Lol

Then we went back to the house and ate a fine breakfast and we are on the road again. We paid a visit to their owned land and Dianne also test drive and I was never that scared in my whole entire life. Kidding, it was just uncomfortable for me knowing my friend was behind the wheel.

Later that day, we continued the trip to Rizal, Nueva Ecija where they welcomed us with smiling faces and good gestures. I loved their food, they might had a different taste but the ambience made it a little more appealing. We dine outside, by the way. After eating, the adult let us view the green field and we did as told while they did the catching up. There is this really long straight path that we walked, ofcourse, we took a couple of pictures. Everytime the wind hits my face, it refreshes me. The void view was refreshing alone but  feeling it took me into another level. Seeing trees everywhere sans tall buildings, I knew I’ve escaped my world, momentarily.

But there is just an inevitable thing that I can’t resist; it was to surf the net. Stop and behold, because I did something ridiculous that I’ve come to realized just now. I stalked. It just happened (again), my friend’s laptop was left opened and they were already fast asleep so I kinda just want to check my Fb account (we brought wifi) but learned that she left hers logged in. I don’t know but the idea just popped in my head and tried scrolling through her messages because I am that nosy. So I did, search the name of that particular person and read their conversation from two years ago. I saw that they don’t talk much recently, that’s why. I am ninja that was never been caught and never will *insert evil laugh* lol

After they nap, we were back on the road again. We left Rizal at 5 and stopped by lugawan in the midst of driving. Well, surprise, I only ate half  of my bowl. You know how much I’m not a fan of all kind of lugaws. I ordered an aroscaldo tho but still… yeah just have to warm my stomach since the weather was slightly getting chilly. We arrived at Pantabangan at around 8 pm. We end up watching tv instead because we were completely out of signal to communicate to others from Manila. They offered dinner and sleep over too. So we accepted it wholeheartedly.

The family that owned the house was very generous and kind. The couples were old enough to serve for us but they still did. They were both from a recent operation but it never hindered them to smile. I kinda missed my lolas because of them (never met my lolo), they were those kind that I wanted to take care of, if ever. They were lovely and sweet. You’ll never get tired of their presence. Loved them already.
(All the families we visited were their relatives.)

Day 2 | 2.29.16

We woke up the next day lazily, seriously, you’ll just love the weather. Breezy and warm feeling? Waking up to another place again was something I will never exchanged for, even for a commercial exposure. I’d rather not be found. Lol but that was just me.

So we ate breakfast rather fast because we’re running out of time. But we end up waiting for a ‘little’ more while after  the van  was halted . They seriously killed the excitement, er.

Finally, we arrived at the lake! It was my first time to bathe in a lake. Though I only kinda bathe since I did not totally bring my body down, am too afraid it would affect my skin. I’m that conscious. Haha (I was slightly burned tho, my feet and arms.)

They had a lot of fun there, I also did. By taking videos and pictures.
My kind of fun. Fun? No. I know. *Flips hair*

When we got tired playing around and by the water, I slept inside the van since I was not that soaked in the water anyway. It wasn’t that long because they kept talking loudly inside causing disturbance of my ever peaceful sleep. They have changed into clean clothes already.

We stayed there for six hours. We got to left at 3:15pm and we went back to fetch other bags and were good to go. Until Dianne has to drive on the rocky road that cause a little damage to the car. Which I’m kinda thanful for, I thought I’ll never had a chance to take a decent bathe since we were to leave early (all of them bathe at the lake). But because of that damage, they had to take the car to the nearest auto service and fix it. That leave me have more time and I run fast to the bathroom and seriously splash everything at once on me. Kidding aside, I did an extra fast bath to prevent them from waiting for me, that would be embarrassing.

But it turned out for us to visit one more house just close to the one we stayed at. They have a big family, I guess. So we, for the nth time, eat. Yep, got a lot restored here already, I had to… Yeah so we stayed there for a bit and talk about some plan like going back there on summer but with the gang this time. Needs some finishing with this drawing. *Winks*

We left the house at 5pm and… daaamnnn, louie and friends back at it again on the road! *Damn, daniel tone*

We’re now good to go home but the fun never stopped there. We even created a funny clip (well, for us who can only relate), we filmed it inside the van, just did silly things and we came up to this. We made fun of our friend who keeps on saying hilarious things on a video we were taking. His jokes keeps cracking me up. I might post the video here just for me to look back when I stumble upon this post in the future.

The trip back home was much more alive maybe because of the hang over from everything. Once in a while peeking a sleep but we will just find ourselves laughing again. Crazy group.

We stopped once to grab snacks and we continued the drive all the way to home.

When I reached my house, it’s already March first.

Amazing trip I had with amazing people. Indeed worthy of spending my time on this once (maybe) in a lifetime out of town experience with this people. I am so looking forward for the part two. I bet it will be 10x more riot and an absolute crazy fun ride. I am so lucky and rich with friends, what more can I ask for?

Ps. I edited a video, (my first time to edit) feel free to judge. I must suggest that you should pay attention to lyrics while watching. I have put and planned some clips intentionally. Here’s to memories!

(The link may not be available because of the security I put when I uploaded the video on Facebook. Will edit this when I find out how to upload an actual video instead of links.)

 

Tinnietiny bit sharing:
It took me hours to find an editing device for this and when I found one that’ll be easy for me I was so glad. Had to blindedly try everything on it but I did fine, just how I wanted my video to be. Until I’m finished, DANG THE WATERMARK! THEIR WATERMARK IS SCREAMING IT SWALLOWED MY WHOLE VIDEO.

I have to buy their promos to remove the watermark but I can’t do that. So please bear with it, I think I’ll just video it from the laptop while it plays on the project file. Hays

.

Pps. I am completely oblivious that I just passed the day that only happened every leap year. That is how happiness distracts me. What mattered most is what’s currently happening, what is in before my eyes.

See you again Nueva Ecija!!!

Till then, lovies.
-LLS
March 4, 2016 | 7:04 PM

Memories

We won

A city of tall buildings and people in formal attires— that is what I picture when I heard the place named Ortigas. As to my knowledge, (which I may tell is not really… you know) this is where most companies are found. Hence, people in suit and tie. But I wasn’t there to apply (atleast, not yet) or any kind of related office works.

Last February 24. We were called to attend a workshop… (ah, workshop) wait, what?!

Yep, that’s right, a workshop.
This is from the contest we joined last time, from Caronia.

Why are we attending workshop?
Because man, WE WON!

Though on third place, I am still happy, we are.

image
Third place

We were there to practice the commercial we were supposed to be in. It was a new kind of experience for me, but like I said before, I wasn’t really into media. Especially, in front of cameras. I am really shy and uncomfortable, something I should fix but I just can’t.

We waited for a while before the director came entered the door. He was around 26 and not the kind of director I thought. He was accomodating, so was his team, they were funny actually. They were cool. There we also met the other winners.
I think we spend almost 3 hours of briefing and practicing.
During the practice, I wasn’t really sure of what I’m doing. They told us to just do whatever the natural reaction we’ll get on the particular scenario. Wherein, we were voters in line waiting impatiently for the transaction to move. Well, I perfectly performed my natural reaction to that, which is none.

Truthfully, whenever I’m in a line (alone), I won’t do anything even if it took me hours to stand there. It was my choice to be there, then I should suck it up. HAHA

The directors might or might not liked my reactionless acting since they laugh at it but told me continue what I’m doing.

While I wasn’t liking any of it. Except the pizza treat. Yum!

I must say that for some kind, I am proud of what I did. I somehow did something out of my personality. For me, that is achievement.

But an unfortunate event happened…

I wasn’t able to come to the actual shooting. I never really intend to come in the first place. Though I had a perfect reasonable excuse. We went to Nueva Ecija. My friends and I did some road trip. That is much more fun. Duh! Lol

But that is no problem on their side. I did not affect their plan anyway. I’m no biggie.

We did get the prize exept the exposure they promised.

image
Set of Caronia products. One for each participant.

This is enough, I’m just fine.
Thank you Lord for all the blessings. Glory to God!

Next time, lovies.

-LSS
March 2, 2016 | 9:09 PM | Wednesday

Memories, Uncategorized

I Have A Secret

I have tinnie tiny secret to tell. I am proud and at the same time embarrassed of what I am about to tell you. But I just have to let this out, like right now.

We made a video! I was in a video! A video that anyone could possibly see publicly! Surprise? I know you are not. Some may think that there is no biggy about it. Though for me, IT IS A HUGE thing.

To enlighten you more about thing ‘video’ I just told you, read further. My sister discover this online contest wherein you send entry videos (and pictures for some), since Christmas was only coming that time, advertisers used it to promote and give prizes to consumers. Well, my sister and her friend first joined on a dubsmash contest where you’ll have to feature their product. Since her friend is a multimedia arts student, they did great when it comes to quality and that’s alot for the criteria. So she then thought that it’s a good idea to join for another one again. She searched for more and found this girly product that suits us, sisters. It was a nail polish producer, they were in search for a colorful and artistic ad that gives the presenting of the product an unexpected twist. Hence, we submitted one.

We shoot the video last January 2 in the park. Making this video never bothered me just by thinking it at first. Because one, it should only have to be fifteen second long; two, my friends would never got to see this. And boy was I wrong with either. I convinced myself that there will be nothing to lose by doing this little skit. About time to do something different and get my self some action. Never did I thought that I am literally about to do ‘action’.

On the video, we were both bad ass chicks with guns on their hands. My first on cam acting could never been this cool, I was being chase ’cause I am that bad ass. LOL I must say that I did fine in it but my skill wasn’t that enough because we had to re-take all the scenes that there is. I ran, I tripped and I danced… yes we danced amidst of the action. Pretty unexpected, right? (The vide isn’t able when posting so here is the link instead. Check it out if you want)

I was not used to be seen on screen or in-action because I am always the director or a writer. So I’d say it’s challenging and exciting being it my first time. I gave it a shot anyway… and it wasn’ t that bad.

A month came and the contest was still going on, they extended it for some reason. But just this February, after confirming our entry validation, they started sharing every entries and I was getting nervous day by day. Then the day I feared the most came, they shared our video. My sister shared and it spreaded to my friend’s feed like wild fire. No, I was exaggerating. I don’t know who else saw but some of them thought it was funny to tease me about it. I felt embarrassed but kinikilig too. They were supportive despite the teases. Aren’t they the sweetest? I have cool friends, I know!

I just hope and pray that our effort will be worth it. The reward is really helpful if we ever got the chance to win this. I have an upcoming debut to celebrate and it will help me pay for necessities also, I think of going back to school, helping my self. I am so broke I know, and I can get through this.

But win or lose, I am happy with my experience. I overcame my wall of shyness, somehow. And that’s prizeless. Got to achieve more changes!

Ps. I will update you when the result came.

Have a good night, lovies.

-LSS February 9, 2016 | 10:36 PM | Tuesday

Memories

Northern Side

I’ve come cross to one of this picture of mine posing along the walk path of botanical garden and reminisce my experience on the  Northern part of Luzon. Lol

I also realised how I never wrote anything about my 48hour get away. It actually goes like this– i liked the idea of stepping foot on Baguio but not as much as I loved sitting on a bus for six hours enjoying the view. Tbh, the latter sounds much appealing to me.

It was almost lunch when we arrived at La Union (10 Aug). We were warmly welcomed by our relatives there. The feels were amazing, the air that I breathe was authentic but not really because their location was literally along side of the road so, but yeah, I was finally out of town! Yiz! The fact that I got to see mountains everytime i looked out was refreshing, it gave me chills that I don’t know, maybe giddy for how that day would go. The people were amazing too but the fact that I am a teen and my need to kid around was vanished when I learned that I’ll be actually surrounded by mature version of a person. (What am I saying tho?) Sitting and watching them talk is fantastic, like really fantastic that I actually want to smack my face into the table, fantastic. Luckily, I somehow got a companion, thanks to Kuya Jeboy for keeping me entertained by his stories and facts about the place. There he goes all ‘tourist guide’ on me and also photographer. (His shots are amazing that I have to figure out if am I being the subject of the photo or what and ’em like really where’s mah face dude?)(I did not mention it to him ofcourse, like duh?!) There I also met lots of people, beautiful people. I think they were great if I got to stay longer to bond with them more but the shy me won’t do that; so they will stay just that… beautiful people.

We got to spend the night on one of the aunt’s house, it was fine and I slept well. Aside from the day being exhausting, I very much welcomed the peace and silence to swallow me already for I do not want to hear another story again. I’ve got enough for the day, so please. And then I was in my corner again crept up in a deep slumber.

My own mind driving its own woke me up, it wanted my eyes to open abruptly, so it did. Early in the morning, we drunk coffee ( my 2nd time in 12 hours, wait ’till one day passed by) and another surprise surprise, batch of stories again. We also got to see their owned land, and it’s big I tell you. Rich family they got here. Tita got to bring home some freshly picked fruits and vegies too.

It was almost 10 I think when we continued our way to Baguio (Aug. 11). I was fine as long as I got the window sit and it was just perfect. The 45minute ride was consisted of trees, rocks, waterfalls, trees, houses, risky road, trees, fogs, the lion, trees, phone games, trees, music, people ofcourse and have I mentioned trees yet? Yeah, there are trees too. I just can’t believe that we’re literally driving all the way up the mountain, cuz’ everytime I lean on my window side I could see the road we’ve just driven. Man was that freaking great! I should also tell you that the moment we stepped out of the car my mind was blown by the literal chills it gave me like what the hell the sun is shining brightly and there are breeze. Whoah man, baguio is screaming, memories to come bro, memories, get ready. We, just my cousin and I this time stroll around jumping from one location to another. When I thought that walking is really exciting got my tongue back out. There is a freaking killer path we have to walk up. It felt like I’m climbing a wall because I literally came face to face with the asphalt. Man, that wasn’t the end yet, it also has turning point, if the first 10 steps was torture, how much more did I endure? Ugh, at that point I was already planning how should I start my body work out when I got back home because I honestly gulped down my whole water bottle for a 10m [i think] walk. My endurance and power obviously shoot down due to my lack of activity for almost a year. We have some lazy fat ass here, ’em sowyy. But the view after the hill-like-climbing was breath taking, I promise. You can see little house down the mountain and stacks of fogs, I wanna swim on there, tbh. Talk about hard work pays off, it did. Though my experience here has just got started, I was sweating cold on my shirt the moment we arrived at UP Baguio. I was only on my jeans and cheap shoes  and add my baggage I carried around while the people around us is in their styles and outfits. Thinking they are also just my age, my self-esteem boosted low enough within 5 seconds. Congratulations, you are a brave girl. Like I could ever wear those kind of clothes even I am prepared enough. Wait, something is missing. Right, I lost the jacket along our strolling that I had tried to go back to where it might have fallen because I just borrowed the jacket and is actually my sister’s. Right, talk about memories. From that moment, I dont know, I lost all the excitement I reserved for this anticipated trip. It simply ruined my expectations. All I could think of is how the hell will I explain my clumsiness. That is my personal self ladies and gentlemen, always getting ready for the worst because I always come up with the worse. Thank you.

We stayed for another hours on a different aunt’s house again. Wherein, you can encounter a dog in every step, thrilling isn’t it? Because I am very much looking forward to catch rabies here, awesome. We sipped in a coffee again while watching and spent the lunch there. Baguio is really expecting me there ’cause it can’t help but surprise me; it’s freaking raining. I’m on Baguio and I’m spending half of my stay torturing my mind of how much more luck will I get until the day ends. Finally, when it was on the mid afternoon we decided to take the chance and start the stroll despite the slight rain. We went to different famous parks that can be found there like: botanical garden, wright park, the mansion and burnham park. (Dunno if that’s all and what others are called, cool) I also got to experience boating and I got so much fun, it was my first time. Once the dark crept in, we met up with the others and dine in on a Greenwich. Their lasagna was like, wow. Very foreign to my mouth, a good different tho. There also goes pizza and chicken too. Seem like Tita do not ever want us to feel atleast a slight of starvation since from the start. We got a slight problem with the transpo on the way to the house full of dogs, arf, but they managed to get us home. We rested for a good hour first before bidding goodbye. Once we settled on the bus, the exhaustion and stress kicked in. I got tons of happenings in a short span of time. Both good and bad. I was so drowned in thoughts that I do not ever want to go up from here, slumped and burried. Thinking maybe this is a bad idea… but not really. Maybe going here is a reward too, for how much time I lost locking up myself but again still not really. I don’t know and I do not want to know. I wanted it to stay the way as it is.

That 48hour got away might be my burden or happiness in the future. It being a ‘memory’ will always be either of the two. But if you are expecting it from me, there is a higher percent that it will be most likely the former. That is a kind of person I am. I am that optimistic. I promote goodvibes. *Note the sarcasm*
When I think of those ‘memories’ I can’t help but sigh and utter, good times; yeah, good times.

Ps. I hope I do not confuse you with my sarcastic remarks along the lines there,.so yeah. Try figure which one is and are not.
Pps. I do not even thought you would be reading this because in any means, you are not meant too. Loool

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splxxnx | Fri. August 28, 2015 | Edited: December 11, 2015 | fri | 8:07 PM|