Disclaimer: Inspired by Lara Jean of To all the boys I’ve loved before. This is how we let go.
Dear Christian L,
Of all the impossible things, the circumstance of you reading this is one that I will believe in. It won’t happen. Like us.
It’s not like it even started or we have a little something because unlike any unrequited love, this is worse. I knew you but you don’t know me.
Even though you barely knew I existed, please know that I’ve always admired you. The looks, the brain, the courage, you just have it all. But don’t be creeped out, I may get a little stalkish when it comes to you, that is only because I don’t have anyone to ask about you. As much as I want my image to be low profile around you, my friends can’t seem to hide my admiration towards you. They do it for me.
Another thing, engineer was your codename.
I was just contented when you followed me back on Instagram. When you simply accepted the request was enough, so don’t bother asking how I was when I saw you following me back. I was over the moon. Ecstatic.
I was hoping that maybe you would at least recognize my face since you obviously saw me online. And I know that you did.
I thought I saw you glancing my way. I thought I saw you lurking whenever I am around. I thought you were almost my reach. I thought my fantasies were almost true.
I realized that it will never be and before I wrapped up all these feelings. I wanted to count off the moments I felt you near and treasure it through a letter.
I knew you from your twin brother which at that time is my crush before you. I began to recognized you inside the campus and noticed that you were more of my “ideal guy”. You got me just by walking by and joining a trip on the elevator. I even want to journalized our every close encounter. I anticipate them all and I guess that is how my admiration lasted for more than a year. I rarely see you but when I do, I can hardly breathe.
I always see you with your friends in the library. Wherein even before knowing you, has been my own sanctum. I can memorized your schedule just by the pattern of the times I see you around. Lucky how our vacant time was somehow connected. I would sit a couple of tables down just to have you in my line of sight. I always appreciate your passion to what you’re doing, and you always do it very well. Now, you were running as a president to your organization and I felt so proud. Like I’ve been there with you the whole journey even though I only knew it when you campaigned online. I want you to get it and prove them what you could do.
Remember the Idea Box seminar during the Entrep Week? You were seating right behind me and I want to scream for feeling super giddy. It was surreal because we were on a very different course and I never imagined that we will ever be on a same room sharing a seminar. It was a shame you were 2 groups before me when we counted off. It was fine though because your friend I was grouped with was very friendly and I was in between you when you guys conversed. You recognized me, I know. You keep telling your friend that you were nervous about the group presentation. I wasn’t because one, I was not assigned to speak and I kinda wished I was. It will be a good platform to show off not just for you to see me but academically wise. Your group placed second because of you. You speak of authority and confidence, it was attractive. I can just watch you speak about machines that is far beyond my intelligence all day and I will be so fine. It’s not everyday that I got to hear your voice. It was a lucky and great day.
You know I always wait for your name to appear on my stories’ viewers and post a reaction on my photos but you were never there. And I knew that I am only living on my illusions. You never recognize me. And I’m going to stop my maybes. I’ll try not to look for you and think that maybe you’re happy of seeing me too.
Because I know there’s someone you’ll be much happier to see. I know there’s someone and I accept that now.
When I first knew about you guys, I want to think that it was nothing. But as the time goes-by and you’re now actively supporting each other on public. I tried to know the girl as much as Facebook and Instagram is letting me. I wish I didn’t have to because then I wouldn’t realize how much she deserved you more than I. She seems a nice girl and a follower of God too, I could imagine you two would look good together. I just want to wish you a happy life. If we ever got to meet later in life, I’ll be excited to see how life will play out. I know that you have a bright future ahead future-engineer.
I’m am now finally letting go.
God speed, Chichan! xx
APR 22 2018 | 13:53