Events, Memories, story, To whomever

Mata, atode. 

I miss you our not-so-little ball of sunshine. 

Happy birthday! It was supposed to be your fourth year with us and unfortunately you were not here anymore. You left us without so much heads up, it was unfair, I would say. I was at school that time stressing my self out for our turn in reporting for finals requirement. I didn’t expect to hear that you were gone before we had the chance to visit you, I am truly sorry, we are. 

Two days before you left I could just vaguely remember how lively you’ve been when you greeted me when I came back home, just like the old times. Then you were very sick the next day, I updated my siblings of your condition since they were at work and I was just off to uni. I am very busy from all the work school is demanding but I will forever remember how you’ve been my stress reliever and how happy I’ve always been coming home for your hugs and sloppy kisses(licks). After a long day, those were the last things I would always look unto but you’re gone. Imagine how everyday felt so unfamiliar without your presence. 

You know how emotional I always turned to be in simplest situation. I’ll just go up to you and you talk to me with your eyes, yours were my favorite. I am currently like this because it’s the first of June and I’m home alone when I suddenly smell a lighted candle. I remembered you and felt like I owe you a lot. 

I didn’t cry when you left. Maybe because of all the things that is going on in my head that time and it drained me already. It left me void and unable to feel anything (you know how it was) but it goes on like any other days. I miss you so much, you would have made me feel better by now if you were here. 

Maybe it’s true that we’re not ready for you. Four years with us but you deserve better than our insufficient shelter but you know that we care for you a lot. I always imagine you with us when we finally move out but you can’t wait any longer before it happened. But know that your departure is also one thing that we aren’t ready for. 

Now that I am remembering you, I can’t help the image to flash the last time I saw you. (I swear my phone is playing songs as I am writing this- np: photograph. Coincidence?) You were helpless and we didn’t know how much pain is taking toll on you that you can bear it no more. We thought that you’ll be fine when we(they- im at school) bring you to vet, and you did. We expect you to come home after 30 hours as the doctor instructed, but you didn’t make it. 

It’s sad and depressing. We all miss you and we are sorry. We took care of you but you deserve more than what we’ve given you. And now, we know, you’re at peace and we wish nothing but that. 

You did what you have to do, you made us all happy. You made all the people who met you, happy. 

We promise that we won’t get another dog until we’re ready. That time, you’ll come around, I know. See you by then. 

xx

– L s s

JUNE 1 2017 | 9 : 51 AM

Events, story, To whomever

N i n e t e e n t h

..and the clock hits 12.

Tick tack tick tack

Just like any other night, I struggle to make myself sleep because I had a lot of things going on in my mind. But today was different, it was special, or it was supposed to be rather. I will be turning 19 soon, I mean, later. I’ve had this moment imagined a thousand times in different scenes and with different people in my head. I was maybe having a good time with some friends out of town as we get giddy and hyped about the turning event. Maybe I was with my happy family who never mind how late it gets when they are having a nice time, and we will count down like how we do on new years. But here instead, the lights are off and people are silent. With my phone lighting up in front of my face- I screenshot the exact time I was waiting for and murmur a silent- happy birthday, self.

What an exciting story to tell! 

I am always, always excited about birthdays, specifically mine. Because I know, that is when I get special attention and of course presents. I love being remembered. Also, I have all the reasons and excuses to be happy. 

Out of all those things said, the last part was the most applicable at this time. Forget everything I said before that line and I’d be happy to have that feeling in an instant. These past few days was rough. It is an old news but it never wears. I will always be an emotional wreck in the most uncertain times. Hence, makes me work hard to convince the people around me and my self that I am actually super freaking fine. I promise. I get super agitated and upset about the things I realized for myself (that is for another entry) and it is far from helping. I may be discretely hard and pessimistic at some times, I am trying my best to see things from the other side. I remember the pastor said that good things are seen after passing the dark side. There is always one, just believe.

Despite everything that has happened and whatever it is to happen, I can only give myself this message:

Dear self,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are 19 and you can reach twice that year (and more) if you will continue doing what you are doing and never stop growing everyday. Trust me when I say that you’ve always been your best when your heart is at peace. Please make it happen as often as you can. When you are frustrated, remember to breathe the stress out , calm your mind and take a break. Then pray. 

He makes the rages stop and wipes the tears of cry. 

You know it was never wrong to follow your heart. Because the decisions you can only come up in your head are rushed and spur of the moment. You experience it yourself, make it be your reminder.

You’ve been strong in the past year and you will always be. I am so proud how well you handle situations now, especially your emotions. I am proud that you’ve been always understanding even when it’s hard to be one. I wish that you will stand on your principles in life and never forget to be grateful at all times. I pray that your faith will grow more and gives you guidance as you take on the life. 

To the more mature you will become in the year to come, we cheer! 

The success is always within you, you’ll just have to carve harder and it will shine. 
Happy birthday, young lady. 

God bless you and He loves you. 

 ⁃ L S S

APRIL 25, 2017

Events, Memories, Uncategorized

Behind the year 2016

2016 didn’t fail me when it said, “it’s gonna be an eventful year”.

If anything, I failed it.

I was thankful for everything that happened throughout the year. It made me so much happier to see things differently, to experience awesomely great things.
Indeed, God was able.

From the beginning, I laid my heart out to Him, for the past year I’ve become miserable then decided to lean on His decision instead and this all happened.

I could now just barely feel the anxiety and pain I experience last year. Honestly, it’s coming back once in a while. I’m still in the process of healing and I think that the trauma would be there for much longer time but it will be okay.

I don’t know how much change it caused me but it makes me crave for one. I always want to be hungry for a change. That is for sure.

It was one of the things I learned from life, that change is the only permanent thing in this world. So, I would hold on to it because it would always be my last chance.

Acceptance was the hardest part of moving ahead but it was definitely a leap to take, it was that time when you realize that “I’m so done.” And I think that’s a progress.

Because once you overcome the fear of embracing the reality, that is when you will live it. And then, you will realize, that it is not that bad. You’ve learned to see every good things in smaller details and that will make you special. How you treat life is how it will treat you.

I would love to share every memorable experience I had this year and I’d love to have it here.

I had an adventure.

So, I’ve been to Nueva Ecija with some friends. It’s one for the books since it’s the first long distance trip (i think) I have gone with my self (technically)- I mean, with no relatives connected, ya know. Just the parent of my one friend who didn’t really mind our business but sure keeping an eye on us. It’s a 3-day get away, hey!! Loved every memories there. Also, I edited clips of me on the trip. It was no-pro type but I admire myself on my effort I put in there (lol)

Second time was mid April, it was with the same group of friends I was with on Nueva Ecija, but this time we got more than tripled! We ain’t complete but hey, t’was a bunch of craziness already. If we are, our favorite adviser wouldn’t able to handle us already. He was with us, that’s how cool he was. We’ve gone road tripping. It was the best one yet. Not perfect but enough. We spent the midnight on road and hit home on dawn. Although we spent the morning at our friends’ pad. We were hyped. That day was great!

I attended birthday parties.

For some reason, I appreciate being invited to birthday parties although I ain’t a hundred percent sure of coming, I always tried. It kind of brought me thinking that I am remembered (wow). These people sure meant to me too. If they weren’t I would not come any way. Thank you friends!

I had my OWN PARTY.

I turned 18.
Say what people?! Yup, I hosted a party. I had one. It kinds of freaks me now thinking that I really did. All thanks to people behind it, of course. I had so many break down before it though. I’ve been stressing on it so much, I didn’t realized how much it affect me mentally already. Nevertheless, it happened, I’m glad. There was a lot of arguments and push and pull of decisions so it ended up being abrupt and not a hundred percent prepared event.
^Honestly, there was this thing that I really sincerely wanted to feel but I can’t get myself to it. The genuine happiness. Everytime I think of the party, I wanted to feel how beautiful I was that time. How magical the moments are. There’s just none. But I never mention it to them. Not any chance.
I don’t know why. But maybe, it was because of the beforemath, I wasn’t completely feeling my self. I felt like, I was only pulling it out from them selfishly. Maybe, I felt drained from all the emotions I stressed my self to. My heart hurts just from thinking how ungrateful I felt despite being beyond blessed I a truly am. I wanted to be happy. But this is not about this. This is not the happiness my heart craves.

I had my first job.

It was one of my major goal this 2016 and promised my self to have one right after I turned 18. I was frustrated of my life the past months before then, I felt so useless and just unreal. I pursue on finding one, I am just lucky to have a friend to help me get this job. She was working there for her On the job training and the store needed more staff that time. So I grabbed the opportunity, honestly, blindly. It’s just sad, I’m almost unsure. Our other friend was there too, we both got hired but she left after a day. Without so much conviction, I continued. Days and days passed, I got used to it. I actually loved the placed and my chores. Until schedules got out of hand, salary isn’t fixed and I felt violated for all the policies that seem to be applied unfairly. Although, I loved the people there, I was aloof at first for they are not my age. They were all on mid 20’s and up. They helped me a lot, more than they knew. I trained there for almost 2 months. It wasn’t bad for my first time. I was a server/cashier, managing the cash bank was fun. It was my first dream job, oh, childhood. It was a good experience, tiring but worth it.

I came back to school.

After a year and half, I am back. It got a little complicated on my first two weeks since I was still working on the restau that time. I had a hard managing my time that it always left me exhausted, mentally and physically. My plans of being a strong part time student shattered right there. I could never survive. I chose school, my mother thought other wise. I think that she cannot and will never understand my situation that time, we had misunderstanding. I tried to helped my self as much as I could standing up, shitty happens, it almost impaired me. Everyday I was a walking wreck.
I put so much effort to divert all my attention to my studies. I should get over everything and let it all be. So, I did. I believe that in every push I give myself, I am still leaving some of me behind. You know the feeling when you cannot completely give your all despite of wanting desperately? I failed. And I am not saying those because I failed, because if I achieved what I promised myself, I will not be saying this. I don’t know. Honestly. Trust me. I promised to help my brother who sends me to school. I promised to have that scholarship that will spare me from paying school fees a hundred percent. I failed. I’ve been praying for it. I failed. It’s not enough. I was almost there. I thought it was on my grasp already. For the many times again this year, my heart shattered.

But they let me continue for the next semester and now, I am obviously on a holiday break from school. I am still trying to find the right track. I am still working everything out. I will never stop. At least, not now.

I had the most eventful year ever. I don’t want to be cynical but for some reason, I was made to become one. I even want this entry to be an uplifted and only contains goody stuffs but I can’t help pouring everything out. I shouldn’t be sorry though since I made this site for a reason. It just happens that I can’t control my emotions sometimes.

I had my ups and downs and downs.

Every things happens for a reason. Phrase that I kept reminding myself every time I fail to meet my expectation.

The next year, I want to make it more about personal. I felt like I’m lacking of it. I felt like I’m never personally stable. If I want everything to be smooth, I should start it with actually building myself.

The next year, should be something I should be looking forward to.

-LSS.
DEC.22.2016

Events, Friends

PM to AM 0.2

AGAAAINN!!
I couldn’t think of any word to describe how yesterday (February 20) flow of events have been. Also the fact that I was with the most ridiculous group ever, I am beyond happy!

12754993_1738579486378356_443619680_o
Glad that I am one of them.

Early morning that day, I was actually not feeling myself maybe because of what happened the other day. It was just so overwhelming, the series of events that had happened and what is bound to. Well, me being me, I was just over stressing myself.
Until we went to Dianne’s pad first. The rush was there and all the thoughts was out of my head once we arrived. There, they started getting ready for we were expected to be in the event’s place extra early. So we did, the place was fantastic, spacious, pleasing and homey. It was called Lights of love, the name did justice. Indeed, you’ll just love them lights.

We took a lot of pictures before everyone arrived. When I say a lot, I mean just that; A LOT. We took the chance of posing everywhere, though the party haven’t started yet, the photos were over 600 already. (on my friend’s phone) How selfie addicts are we? But hey, girls just wanna have fun! Lol

When the debutante walked as the party started, I knew that night would be a long one.

12772044_556225314545719_939775621428584830_o
Dianne looking fab 🙂

If you ask me what was the highlight of the party, it would be the arrival of her supposed-to-be-overseas father. I was so close to tears when she just stared at him unbelievably walking towards her, that moment was priceless and heartfelt.

12764801_556243704543880_6071579343634068649_o
best surprise

The night was swiftly moving and we are all enjoying every minute of it. Everyone did their part, where I was one of the 18 candles. I think I did great, I was slightly shaking and have no idea what I am saying all throughout my speech, so I remembered nothing from my message. I was damn distracted, the crowd and and self-consciousness bothered me, so I think I just did great. Yeah…

The flow of the party was fine, the food was great especially the deserts, it was a variety of all goodness. Yay, sweets!

You know you are in a great company when you didn’t mind people that surrounded you, just those who are the reason of your shameless laugh and snort. These people that I was with never changed, the childishness and loudness. The jokes that only members would understand, the jokes we all would never get tired of. It was still them, the howls and cheers we all agreed upon. The unity. Because you can’t just resist them.

They brought fire through the party especially the one after the formal one. Well, I must say that our participation outshined everyone, kidding! Let’s just say that there is two particular tables occupied by the most abnormally active teenagers. Sometimes their loudness can be out of hand. Lol

We were this weird since day one, but then, who’s counting?

12717723_830544347092201_3543102225829142104_n12746002_830531883760114_4318172922948029330_n12743603_830544277092208_2827668870024605055_n

We were the first comers and the last one to close as well. Loyal friends we got here. We help them packed the things and brought it back home.

And because it was late already, we spent the night there. Yes! Over night, part two. Though some had to go home for they have their own activity to do the next day. We still had fun though. We just had a little problem on focusing on sleeping because they just can’t stay silent for so long.Their laughters disrupts the mood every time. Atleast we managed to get some sleep, even for a couple of hours only.

I have missed them surely. I hope that this bond of ours will never get old. As we age, nothing changes, sti;l the craziest gang ever. I loved them two years ago, that too, never changed, never will.

Ps. Dianne@19 😍😍

‘Till then, lovies.

-LSS
February 21, 2016 | Sunday

Events, Uncategorized

Hearts Day

This coming Valentines Day, what are you up to?

Do you have a date to go to? Well, I ain’t teaching you how to prepare your dress and make up here. No, I won’t give you heads up and the do’s and don’ts during dates.

I have none for myself, anyway.

Instead, let me give you choices on how you can spend you Vday this year.

So, we are in the month of love. And not only to your boyfriends/girlfriends you could show the love, you have your friends, teachers, family or yourself. Since that’ll be on a Sunday, go to church, date with God.
Nowadays, some kids of this generation misunderstood this special day. They thought it was about dates with partners, it seems like being in a relationship with your opposite sex is a must-have now. Wake up, you could actually live without them.

I might sound bitter for some but I was only saying what I think is happening. Yes I am single, but I am actually keen on this coming fourteenth because I have a date!

…with my friends. We will spend the day together and catch up, it has been ages since we saw each other. We would probably pig out and that is something to look forward to… really.

Since I mentioned it already, let us start with spending your day with:

– your friends. School works are exhausting and time consuming. Go see you friends and catch up on agendas and shenaniggans you’re doing these days. You don’t want to miss a thing about them, do you? Having your besty around is giving us this light feeling of being free on whatever we do and say, it’s like you can go do stupid and dumb things together. These moments are what we missed the most. Or you could be emos and lazy asses for the day, have them around. They make the best company. Anyway, your stories are unlimited, you would never be bored. Redeem your inner craziness with them.

– your teachers. It’s a Sunday, means no school. But it is not an exemption to not appreciate the kindness and patience the educators are giving us. They have been the second parent of ours. Make the most out of the day and be grateful for their existence. Extend your love to them. Well, I am not only talking about your teachers on school, but to those who taught you things that you are grateful of learning. To those people who lead you to wherever and whatever. Tell them how you appreciate having them in your life.

– your family. Whether you are living with them or not, how much you treasure them is undeniably beyond anyone’s imagination and measurement. You might not be showy enough but you know them like the back of your hand, you know too well how to behave around them. But this day, make it more special, double your love that you usually give them. Presents sounds good, but don’t you think that a simple movie marathon and lounging on your living room seems much more appealing? Give it a shot, have a good laugh with them. They were you first love in the first place.

– your bf/gf. I know I should include this, I should be fair. LOL
So, if your other half asked you on a date, go have fun and show them how thankful you are for having them.
Well, I was never good at this since I haven’t asked on a date yet (like I am waiting for one? I’m single remember?) I also told you how I wouldn’t give you reminders and do’s for a date. But just remember this, whether you will go on a fancy a date or on a simple diner, do not fret much and enjoy every single moment of it. I believe that couple’s date should be more likely to a friend’s date because you’ve been that at first, right? Though, more intimate now. BUT, Girls! Yes, you girl, do not ever do something your parents remind you not to do, okay?

– you, your self. Just what I needed right now. I feel like I’ve been wasting so much time lately. Even though I’ve been with no one but myself, I feel like I needed this one. I wanted to travel and go on a void and silent place and just assess and reconstruct my dreams and goals in life. Yes, I am that lonely and broken, I can’t help but be like that, anyone with me? No?
Okay, just do your own thing and mess around as much as you want. Treat yourself. Be selfish for now and pig out alone, you have your yummy food for yourself. Or go for a walk wherever you want to go or go shopping, anything that will make you happy. Be generous to your self for once. Go and shower your self with love! (But I discourage you to buy chocolates and flowers then send it on your own address just to show off.) Come on, love yourself. Enjoy!

– with God. Definitely a must. Not just because it’s Vday but simply because He lives and is able. His love for us is more than enough reason to give Him little of our time everyday, if not, every once in a week. What is a 3hour service on church? It’s nothing, so better use it in a more worthy cause. Actually, giving is not the right word, we must offer. That is what He did, we should too.
Before everything, go worship and give Him praise. May it be with your friend, your teacher, your family, you bf/gf or your own, go and pour your heart out on Him. If He never fail to bless us, why fail Him now? He never stopped loving you, never will. Glory to Him.

God bless you all. Love one another, show them your love and live a happy life.

How are you going to celebrate this year’s Vday? Tell me.

Ps. You are always loved.

Happy Valentines day and have good one, lovies.

-LSS
February 11, 2016 | 1:59 PM | Thursday

Events

How many days to go?

Time flies so fast, isn’t it? It feels like it was just yesterday when we struggle keeping up with the heat summer is causing, but now, seems like everyone is enjoying the night breeze christmas season’s been giving.

Counting the days, we have 15 days left before the season everyone is gushing about, yes fifteen days. Looking over your neighbor hood it is refreshing to see colourful decoration and sparkling lights outlining their houses. The ‘parol’ that us Filipinos traditionally decorate to symbolize that indeed the day of hope and happiness is coming by so quickly. It was like a reminder for us everytime we see one.

Now that Christmas is near, are we ready?

Have you brought gifts already? Have you even put the lights and decoration on its places? Have you decided on what to cook on the holiday? Have you planned where you guys are going to spend it and who are you going to spend it with?

There are so many things to consider now that it’s getting nearer and people were all getting busy doing their stuffs.

But on a serious note, how do you feel now that Christmas is coming?

If I were to answer that question, I must say that I am torn from excited to nervous.

Excited that days from here on will be filled with parties and different happy gatherings from friends and family. At the same time, nervous from the thought that Christmas being on the month December and it being the last of the year. What have I accomplished throughout this year? I don’t want to be negative about it but I can’t just help it you know? It was in me, naturally, to be a negatron. Haha

I wanted to do so many things and can’t help but expect many things too about this ever-awaited-holiday-season.

What I want for Christmas?

-Gifts!! Ofcourse haha. Who doesn’t want one? [not just one]
Though I also wanted to be remembered by my loved ones. Calling out for my friends and family out there?
Truthfully, I wanted to receive letters, because for me, it was something, it was more than greeting me a ‘Happy Holidays’, I wanted to know their current thoughts and wishes for me. I kept all letters my friends have given me.

– I wanted to be happy too, ofcourse. I don’t want to feel blue on that day. I hope Good Vibes surround me all day.

– Well, on 26th, basically still holiday, Supnet fam will be having a grand reunion on La Union. It is on my list too, I wanted this year to be something different from the past years set up and meeting other relatives is definitely something to look forward to. To spend a holiday there will be awesome, I know. We went there last August and I definitely wanted to go back on the ‘North side’.

– I secretly loving hugs, tight hugs especially from the people that has been with me ever since. Hugs from you, my friend, please? *puppy eyes*

I wish this Christmas will be filled with nothing but love and happiness. Isn’t that what Christmas is about? It’s essence is to give love and happiness towards everyone around you. And that is all I ever wish. Before this year ends, I hope you spend it with much more exciting experiences and keep your smile pasted on your beautiful face. God speed! Happy holidays everyone! Cheers!!

Ps. Wishing you to have a memorable and fantastic holiday. Sending love…

©
splxxnx | thurs | 5:40 PM | December 10, 2015