story

APR 03 2018 πŸ‘»

I need a moment to pause

Pause whatever I am doing right now because it’s not working anymore

Pause whatever I think is right because in reality… it’s not.

Not that I am not living in a reality but because I still think it is fictitious enough to not take it seriously.

I need to stop.

Stop ignoring the fact that I’m starting to lose it, you know, the spark;

The fact that my path isn’t as clear as it is before.

Before when I know what I wanted;

The times when I know why I’m doing something.

I don’t know anything anymore.

And it’s sad.

It makes me sad to realize that the more I’m trying to carve into the change; the more I am being pulled out from my home.

My home is the stillness of my being; you know, heart at peace and mind at ease. It’s where I always go back after my every turmoil, the restlessness of the surrounding. When everything is suffocating. There will I be able to breathe again.

The distance created mist on my visions, it pines on the serenity I once carry.

I am losing the spark.

I thought it was fine to be unsure of your tomorrow. I hold on to the promise that I should not because tomorrow will have to worry about itself. That is why I continued, I went on without any intention of accomplishing my plans, simply because – I don’t have any.

Can you please make me stop?

Stop me from sleepwalking into my own life. Stop me from blubbering gibberish words I do not even know where they came from. Stop me from thinking that everything is fine because… it’s not.

How many times will I have to say it? I. am. Not. Fine.

I need help. I want a fresh start.

Apr 3 | 10:31

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