I need a moment to pause
Pause whatever I am doing right now because it’s not working anymore
Pause whatever I think is right because in reality… it’s not.
Not that I am not living in a reality but because I still think it is fictitious enough to not take it seriously.
I need to stop.
Stop ignoring the fact that I’m starting to lose it, you know, the spark;
The fact that my path isn’t as clear as it is before.
Before when I know what I wanted;
The times when I know why I’m doing something.
I don’t know anything anymore.
And it’s sad.
It makes me sad to realize that the more I’m trying to carve into the change; the more I am being pulled out from my home.
My home is the stillness of my being; you know, heart at peace and mind at ease. It’s where I always go back after my every turmoil, the restlessness of the surrounding. When everything is suffocating. There will I be able to breathe again.
The distance created mist on my visions, it pines on the serenity I once carry.
I am losing the spark.
I thought it was fine to be unsure of your tomorrow. I hold on to the promise that I should not because tomorrow will have to worry about itself. That is why I continued, I went on without any intention of accomplishing my plans, simply because – I don’t have any.
Can you please make me stop?
Stop me from sleepwalking into my own life. Stop me from blubbering gibberish words I do not even know where they came from. Stop me from thinking that everything is fine because… it’s not.
How many times will I have to say it? I. am. Not. Fine.
I need help. I want a fresh start.
Apr 3 | 10:31