Out of the blue, story

N O V 2 1 . 2 0 1 7

Tuesday.

It must be a good day coming back to school- it was supposed to be. While my friends were probably warming up with each other again, here I am, watching movie in marathon. They must have their day started with a good breakfast and a purpose for the day, it wasn’t always that we got the first day that’s not a Monday. Who loves Monday anyway? I do.

While they got out of the bed preparing for school, I was on mine for the whole day. Or not really. I kinda enjoyed my day actually. I gotta watch Captain America for 4 hours, who am I to complain? And other good looking people that wasn’t me. Just kidding! I mean actors, they are fun to watch. While I grabbed my coffee at 10am, I figured my sis and bros leave me no choice to skip breakfast. I have showered a little earlier before warming up my stomach, must have forgotten my favorite time for a meal. There’s just a lot on my mind the moment I opened my eyes this morning. Oh, they were going out again while I stay here. Oh, I can’t be mad I don’t have a word on this situation. Oh no, I have to change clothes (u know) before I make myself a mess, aunt flow just visited me after two months. Oh, I think the history will repeat again (soon). The history I never want to go over again. Ever.

So while I sipped on a coffee with my hair on a braid just about to dry, I scrolled through the movies our laptop have. The charger is brand new, it’s just about this time we got our hands back to this thing. I’m thankful just now. I always thought that the money spent for this could have help me on my school expenses instead, guess that was just my selfishness speaking. Moving on, the list weren’t many but they are the ones I haven’t seen before, I should be good.

So these are my choices and you can’t judge me for this:

Best in me

The Ant-Man

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Romance to Action-Comedy to Avengers to I don’t know. They just happened to be pointed by the cursor, I guess. No, I actually planned watching Best in me since yesterday after Tomorrow’s Land but I got no time. Today was perfect and I had the Ant-Man preview too that made me interested so I went in. It was pretty good, I thought it’s gonna be my fave Marvel Movie… until I saw Captain America. Damn, that dude was hot (I can’t literally imagine my self saying this, sounds funny to me) I am never really into this kind of movie but when it’s on my face, I don’t really mind. I liked the scenes more than the story but yeah, I skipped the CA first part wherein it shows how he began and all. No, I take it back, I think I liked the story too- friendship is a big deal. So, I am just glad I’d be sleeping knowing I never regretted being useless today because… Captain America. Yeah, I’m pretty much into him, I’m obviously on his team!

I’ll tell you something else that is funny. After the coffee, I realized I’m gonna be dehydrated if I kept going like this for the whole day. So why not bring something with me, I got no popcorn (I realized it just now, made me sad) I got myself a water and this is what I think about me: ‘Spending my day binge-watching whatever with a glass in hand pretending it was a wine or something but it actually tastes nothing- just water. I know, low budget rebellion is what it is.’

I actually had that noted upon realizing so I could put it in this entry. I was funny like that. Pathetically funny.

THAT IS ALL FELLAS, I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND A DAY IN MY LIFE UPDATE. NO BIGGIE JUST PURE BLABBERING AND CORNY JOKES AND UNNECESSARY SIDE COMMENTS. SUIT UP!– I MEAN SUIT YOUR SELF. (You see that, Captain America, hehe)

xx

l e a n a

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Memories, story

N O V 1 6 . 2 0 1 7

Thursday.

I was decluttering my things when I saw this from one of my notepads. I tore it up to dab on a spilled water. I guess I used something else and save this one to read later on. Then when I did, I was pulled in my alternate universe, again.

The words and sentences were technically wrong but who cares. If you try to understand the underlying meaning, you will get her idea. But it’s different for me, because I was the writer of this one. This is me from a particular time, on a particular circumstance.

I remember vaguely in my head how I was literally half lying on a table doing an assignment, I got really tired of thinking and feeling not enough. I flip a page from where I was writing and scribble everything that’s been blocking my mind since I sat down to study.

This was just one of those days.

There were a lot of instances that I couldn’t count off but this was luckily journalized. This is me with my thoughts cluttered, was out of herself and feeling empty inside. This is me begging and utterly desperate.

This is the me that I hated most.

Although she feels lost, she always find her way to distract me and ruin just… everything.

xx

l e a n a

Out of the blue, story

N O V . 9 2 0 1 7

Thursday.

I’m in the middle of the sembreak and I have been doing nothing particularly fun. If reading a novel a day is fun, then I guess at least I’m having one.

Somehow I couldn’t seem to put my life back together and feel better while I’m trying to make it through, you know surviving life. I always thought I have it figured out. Months ago I was walking and knowing I am capable of being anything I always wanted to be or should be, for the matter. But I guess I was wrong, I always am.

Looking back to my life almost 3 years ago, as I scroll through my journal, I thought I never want to stand on that position again. The 16 year old me sound so sad and lonely. Nowadays, I felt her creeping up inside me again, she’s peeking and I’m doing my best not to let her in.

When I look through the list of journals I wrote years back with intermittent intervals in between 3 years. I seemed really hopeless but it was me on that very time. That time seem perfect and I am able to express my emotions. But most of them were the times I was heavyhearted. And I wished I wrote more when I was really ecstatic or just about my out-of-the-blue realizations and spur of the moment happiness.

I honestly thought on writing about those things and I tried but when you’re at it, it would look so unnecessary. Although, just now, I realized that my future self would not mind reading those stuff. At this point, I’d gladly look back on those that I don’t regret of doing and just about pure bliss and happiness. I wished I didn’t overlooked them and let it bypass. I cling to my sorrow longer than my delight.

And just like that, my words began to sway with the wind as it lost in the sky. I wonder when will I see them again.