story

Scraps

I was taking up my exam that time when you suddenly cross my mind. I was unconsciously smiling when I slightly had lost the idea of how to solve the numbers in front of me. I’ve loved math. And you manage to meet me in the midst of my deepest concentration. That thought scared me. 

I cannot have a distraction. This can’t be. 

But I remembered our almost close interaction in the hallways, stairs and the library not so long before my exam. I was motivated. 
Is this the thought they were talking about?

“How can be something this good be so bad?”
How can my motivation be my destruction?
And then I saw you there. Sitting with your friends. I spotted you almost immediately, you just stand out. I didn’t realize that I am already smiling to myself. You were looking my way. 

There is something wrong, though.

I don’t want to admit it, but it’s your eyes. 

It’s the same mesmerizing pair but they don’t look so inviting to me, they aren’t calling to me anymore. Why are they so distant?
“Hey, isn’t he the guy you were talking about?”
Said my other friend walking behind us (w/ other friend). 
I smiled at her when I turned my head. “It’s him.” As I replied, it turned out sad. I think I knew it. 
“He was totally looking at you.” She mused me. 
I looked at you again, you look good in the panel. I hope you were doing great on that event. 
My eyes tried to follow your line of vision that seems to be anywhere but me. 
And it landed to where the voice was,

“Totally…” my lips uttered, 

(not) my mind added. 
-LSS | February 23,2017

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Inspire, Out of the blue

Self love

Dear self,
There are tons of things you should be doing right now but your mind do not want to operate so you opt for what you think could calm it a bit. 

Write a little something that will make you feel good about your shitty self. And guess what, it happens all the time but even writing do not seem to be working anymore. How many drafts were in your trash bin that was long forgotten because after 3 sentences, every ideas vanishes. 

What is the accurate feeling of your unspoken mind? You never figure out. Isn’t horrible? Nope, it’s more than that. 
While there are indeed tons of things you need to accomplish at the moment like school stuffs- I want to remind you of the things you NEED to stop doing. ASAP. 

1. I want you to stop overthinking. First things first. Everything I would say would fall into this category because there is so much in your mind that is affecting your physical aura that you are unaware of. Stop the what if’s and just live the life. 

2. I want you to stop letting your friends affect your perspective in a bad way. You have your fair perception you made yourself, so don’t let them bother yours with them. There is no wrong with the friendship as long as their idea wouldn’t kill you.  
3. Stop comparing. Your life is the way it is because it should be like it. It should never be like those that you saw on others with your naked eye. Because you know what? You deserve more than that. Believe me. 
4. Stop controlling the things out of your hands. I hope you figure out that once you let things be, that is when you will find happiness. Adjust your mindset and focus only on all what you have. 
5. Stop mourning over petty things. Just because your hair does not turned out how you want it to be, you get to ruin your whole day. I hope you see that there is more than the looks you try to rock. Appreciate compliments and consider yourself lucky every time you get one. You’re way prettier that you’ll ever realize. 

6. Stop the messy life, declutter. There are so many ways to do this, even Youtube can help you. You’ve binge-watch shows on there, spend it on more useful videos and teach yourself. Life hacks, 101 Tips, remind yourself that you will only consider the rational ones. Internet sometimes is confusing. 
7. Stop complaining. Be grateful. Scenarios in your mind are bound to be destructive, that is when you’ll start seeing life differently and unappreciatively to what is really happening. Simple things matters. Remember, it was your mantra long ago. Smile on the things that bothers you and thank that you are actually making a progress little by little. You will get through whatever your situation you’re in. Kick ass and be optimistic.

There is more in life. Keep your head up and don’t get tired on expecting good things. Life is full of surprises. You can do it, girl!
Love you ❤️

-LSS | February 22, 2017